I walked along the waters edge. The river was high and muddy from the recent rains. I needed to clear my head. I was by myself now, and I was lonely. This was my favorite place to come and think. In the woods by the river with just mother nature and me.
I remember back when I was just a young girl, when my mom would take me here to swim on those hot sticky summer days. Oh the fun we had. Splashing and dunking each other, and then laying in the sun on our towels, just relaxing and talking for hours. Some days, if we didn't want the water to cool off, she would take me to the stores, and we would window shop in the cool air conditioning. What ever we did, we did together. We were best friends. My dad had died just after I turned seven, and we were alone. Just the two of us.
Mom worked as a cleaning lady for other people. If I was sick and had to stay home from school, I would go with her. Unless I was very sick, then mom would stay home and take care of me. She was a great role model and teacher. I learned everything from my mom. I guess that's why I miss her so much now.
The last few years, she fell ill. She had cancer. It was a battle right up until the end. Mom was okay with moving on. She would tell me that, almost every day. I however, was not. I wanted her alive, and here with me. She was all I had.
I never went on dates, or had many friends. We lived in a very rural area. When school let out, I took the bus home. We were the last stop on the route. The closest neighbor was two miles away. Her name was Lizzy. She had a brother named Jake. Their family was poor too. We did't have cars like some folks, but every once in a while on a Friday, my mom would let me sleep at Lizzy's, or Lizzy would sleep at our house. We would use the school bus as our ride. Then on Saturday, mom, or Lizzy's mom, would walk to our respective house and get us, and together, we would walk the two miles home. Sometime's, we would all have dinner before we left. It was great fun. I never told anyone, but I had a crush on Jake. They moved away and I never saw them after that. It was in sixth grade.
I thought about my life and what I was going to do. I had the house, my job, and my good old Chevy Impala, that was about it. I bought the car when I started working. One of the families mom worked for, had it just sitting in their driveway, and let me have it for two hundred dollars, which I paid them twenty a week until I paid it off. It was in very good condition. I listened to the water gurgling over the rocks. It was making me miss her even more. I heard a noise in the woods and twisted my head around to see. It was a deer coming down to the water for a drink. I watch quietly as it waded in the water and drank. Then she saw me and bolted back up the little trail. Maybe she is all alone too I thought.
I wondered about love. Not the kind I had with mom, but love with a man. Would any body want me. I was now in my mid thirties. I thought about what I'd missed in life. Kids. I always wanted one of my own. Travel. That would be nice, but I think settling down and having a family would be nice. I remember a little of how it was when dad was alive. We would eat at the table and play games. He would take mom out on dates. They would pack some food, and on special occasions, a bottle of wine. They would walk through the woods and just enjoy nature. I think I know now a little more of what is was about. I guess after dad passed, mom must have been very lonely also, but she never said a word or complained. I'm glad she at least had the chance to love and be loved. A chance I did not see in my future.
Suddenly, a group of about eight deer came running past. They jumped right into the water and began to swim across. I wondered what had spooked them so bad. I have lived here my entire life. The only thing I know that scares them like that I thought, were humans. The hunters used to hunt here by the river and drive the deer. Sometimes the deer out smarted them by just crossing the river. It wasn't hunting season, and I've never seen a poacher around here. If it was humans, I had no idea who it could be. I got a bit frightened. I wish my mom was here.
I turned from the water and began to walk back up the trail toward the house. A man stepped out of the woods startling the heck out of me. He said hello. I looked him over good. I could probably take him I thought. If needed, I know I would try my best and he would be sorry. I responded back and said hello. He asked if I lived around here. I do I said. My husband in right up the trail by the house. How nice he said. Where may I ask are you from, I said a bit coldly to him. I, he said, lived just a short distance away from here when I was a kid. I used to know the family that lived in that cabin. But that was years ago. Oh I said what brings you here now. Well said the man, I came here to try and find some answers. Answers? I asked. Yes he said. Living here was the happiest time of my life. Ever since my family moved from here, I have been empty inside. I thought perhaps returning to my roots I may find some peace in my soul. I'm not sure what you mean I said. I am lonely he replied. My mother and dad have passed, and my sister moved out to the west coast a few years ago. I just needed to get close to nature again he said. I understand that I said. I lost my mom recently and I too come here a lot to think. What is your name I asked him? My name is Jake. And yours he added? I smiled at him and said Sarah. That's quite a coincidence he said, I had a crush on the girl who lived in that cabin back there when I was just a young boy. Her name was Sarah. That would be me, I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. His eyes welled with tears. Sarah? It's you? ​